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31 May 2015 @ 08:09 pm
190: Some key moments  

The month of May helped me examine my relationships and determine that I've been making people feel obligated to be around me. Well, no more.

I've also learned to stop "scheduling people" based only on the convenience of my own time. "Keep a loose grip", control freak. So I did. I've made some adjustments and now if I want to do something geeky, nobody has to feel like they owe me the company. I've stopped expecting. If I'm reading a good book, shipping a couple and watching a great show, I've opted to share them only to people who would care to respond. Otherwise, I keep all my geeky musings to myself and my social media. I've learned that people are not always on-call for my every whim. I still identify strongly with my geekeries but I no longer identify the quality of my friendships on them. They'll be separate from now on.

People have feelings that don't always correspond to my needs and whims, and I've learned to stop making a big hissy fit about it. I've also stopped initiating connections. From now on, I'm going to cut myself some slack and let the others do half the work this time. I'm actually a lot calmer and less excitable now that I've stopped trying to bring people into the folds of my inner world. I have an indeterminable depth and a strong personality. I shouldn't require people to dive and put up with me when they can't. Now I can just enjoy my geekeries by myself and those who have a genuine interest to share their thoughts with me about them come rare but are cherished. I will not obligate you to spare me time or a date if you're not able. You don't have to comply or accommodate me if your heart's not in it. I'm not burning any bridges. I'm just not crossing any of them unless I'm wanted there on the path.

My namesake means "free" and so are you.

Feeling: indifferentindifferent
Listening to: "Nobody Knows" from xxxholic season 2