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02 March 2015 @ 08:14 pm
188: Carve  
"I wasn't sure what I was looking for. Maybe just someone to talk to other than the people close to me. I tell them a lot but also not enough. I feel like it would be easier to carve out a piece of the universe somewhere and bury the stuff there that even I refuse to reveal in the light of day. I'm carving that here with you. I hope that's not terribly sentimental or even creepy, god forbid. I'm just too aware of myself sometimes, when most people could just tune out and experience life. I contemplate it. I break it apart. It often leaves me drained and sad sometimes."

This was a text message I wrote to a random stranger. He was kind and pleasant enough to exchange correspondences with me for half an hour one night. I was foolish enough to hope he would extend the same courtesy to me next time. Foolish. But I still kept his number. I only texted him twice after that fateful night and he always had a ready excuse not to engage or reply. It's perfectly understandable. But I will never forget his compassion as a stranger I've never met in person. I suppose I can only really allow myself to be this bare and vulnerable ANONYMOUSLY, cloaked through use of technology. I take comfort in this because a little dose of this kind of honesty is liberating and keeps me at least hopeful that I won't hurt as badly next time. I seek comfort in the oddest places and sometimes I get lucky---

--and someone reaches back to hold my hand for a while.
Feeling: gloomygloomy
Listening to: "All Fall Down" by One Republic